Living an Upstanding Life.
The hard path.
I talk a lot on this blog about things I have learned as I get my life together. But my life still needs lots of work in various dimensions, and that’s pretty normal: some things (like cooking more) are not super exciting but important, and others like having cooler hobbies are exciting but not super important. And then there is kind of the king of all goals — living the upstanding life.
What do I mean by this? To be fair, it’s hard to define, since it depends somewhat on what you think is important for the world — as most people see the things the world needs as different, this goal is naturally going to be different for most people. That being said, I’d like to think there could be some broad agreement based on data on some of the key things.
If this all sounds vague, let me introduce you to my friend — let’s call him Phil. Phil is an amazing guy; he is of modest means, but he has been on some crazy business ventures; he says it like it is, and can be difficult — but that’s what makes him special.
You see, what’s so amazing about Phil besides all of these cool things is how upstanding he is: he does what he believes is right and what the world probably needs with shocking frequency, even when doing so is hard or causes him a surprising amount of difficulty.
For example, as I already said — telling it like it is. I was once with Phil and a potential client, and the client was sort of being difficult and waffling and pretty much wasting our time. While I was willing to put up with it — it’s the price of doing business — Phil called them on it right then and there. Phil never got a dollar from this person, but it was the right thing. It was also a cool thing, because saying no even to appealing things makes you discerning and disciplined. The reality of telling it like it is and being blunt is that it will make you unpopular with people who don’t want to live in reality, or with people who want to keep some facade up. You also might misfire from time to time and piss people off — suggesting things aren’t quite what they seem incorrectly. All of this is hard, but I can’t imagine my life without Phil because I know I can trust him.
Discipline is a thread that runs through a lot of the things Phil does. For example, getting off of virtually all social media, because of the plethora of bad things it does to us and our society. I make my living on the internet, so cutting all social media is hard, but I could do more, and I’d be more like Phil.
Doing the right thing is hard if you don’t know what right is. Phil is very into data and reading up on the background of issues, and despite not branding himself as a super knowledgeable intellectual, and certainly not talking like one (Phil has the mouth of a trucker), he is incredibly well-informed on a wide range of topics. He’s also willing to say when he doesn’t know something, and he’s willing to have a countervailing opinion. I remember talking to him about Nuclear Power (classic casual conversation with me), and he sort of smiled at me and said “I’m not thinking what you’re thinking I think about this, I have an unpopular opinion!”. Being willing to go against the grain and the herd, and be unpopular and sometimes get into conflict as a result, is something I respect incredibly deeply. (Phil loves Star Trek, and though I don’t think he identifies with Spock, he has some Spock going on).
Now, I could go on all day about things Phil does that feel upstanding, but instead I’ll just list some.
Cutting products and services that he thinks take advantage of people or society.
Supporting businesses that provide a competing service with those above, even when it’s very inconvenient and possibly expensive.
Not driving, at all, in North America — even when it would clearly make his life easier.
Investing his own time and energy in good stuff, even when there is a low chance of success, or it’ll take a long time.
Being extremely generous with what he has, even when he doesn’t have a lot.
Dismissing a lot of vapid stuff, from modern music streaming to emoji reactions — and making other people think about this stuff too.
Supporting local businesses, and people who are doing good.
Bringing his community together.
Remembering what his many friends each value, and making it clear when he’s talking or spending time with you that he knows what you care about.
Suffice to say, Phil is an amazing person — and one who lives a life that is amazing for reasons that can be hard for me to define to people. I think perhaps the best way to describe this is taking the high road, or the hard path. However you define it, it’s something I aspire to, and given Phil isn’t that much older than me, I have much work to do!
How do I get there? Well, I think like so many elements of living better, and smarter — it’s about being thoughtful. When you buy a new phone, do you buy it from a company fostering right for repair? When you purchase services from a cell carrier, do you choose a carrier that’s trying to be competitive on price and that’s improving the market — even if that might mean slightly worse service? If you go through life on autopilot, or if all you care about is having immaculate finances, or any other of a litany of priorities, it’s easy to ignore this stuff — of course you can still live a great life and be upstanding, but it’s a lot harder!
But that’s okay, because many worthwhile things (and some things that are not worth your while) are hard.