Trajectory.

The Path I'm On.

After two weeks of reflecting on the world, both on its path towards “enshittification” and on Canadian industrial policy, I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is a more typical Cinq Personnes post on growth, and specifically today the path I find myself on. I can imagine how that might read like it’s meant to be some sort of introspective memoir, but really I think of it more as a way of framing the various vectors (I describe them this way because they really are multidimensional and sometimes entirely orthogonal to one another) along which I am trying to move my life — health, community, habits, etc ... It can be hard to describe what exactly it is I’m doing here: it’s not quite about health, or personal finance, or being more altruistic, but some ever-changing combination of these things, and new things which come into the fold.

---

Cinq Personnes is a blog about reflecting and making oneself better. If you enjoy this piece, please consider subscribing, or even becoming a paid supporter.

---

The point of this post is hopefully not to just list out these vectors and what I’m doing to advance them, but to try to elucidate how I even came up with them in the first place, and to try to figure out why it was I decided to start self-improving in a focused way.

I use the term vector because I think it’s most fitting. Many of these things have checkpoints you might aim to hit, but living in a healthy or upstanding way is basically something that you can work on every day and never “arrive”.

Tree Lined Streets ƒ/3.5 1/100 70 mm ISO100

I think the whole process started in around 2022. Covid was waning and I had graduated university a few years prior, was engaged to my partner, and was working YouTube full-time. I had had some sort of random health issues in the previous years, and had gained a lot of weight — stuff that I think is pretty common for people who are sort of “starting out in life”. At some point, I just realized that I was and had been eating really poorly for a long time, and that while I was (and am) a picky eater, I should be able to introduce at least some healthy foods into my breakfast each day.

Upon further reflection, while the actual act of trying to self improve in a way not structured by, say, university, probably started for me in 2022, I do think being exposed to Mr. Money Moustache, by an accountant at one of the companies I interned at in university, primed me for it. Mr. Money Moustache is sort of a self-help guru, sort of a finance influencer, and also just an interesting person the likes of which I had never really come across before. Here was a guy who was sort of extremely fiscally conservative (he literally talks about “getting rich” quite a lot), but also very focused on health (not something I associated with that political movement in the 2000s), community, and somehow also on the environment and sort of “hippie” things like building your own stuff, cycling everywhere, talking about the value of hard physical work, and having an “urban tribe”.

In many ways my thinking about personal finance — trying to not inflate your lifestyle or buy too many luxury things, and save aggressively — was shaped by MMM, and honestly I think his hard sell of this way of living your life basically got it through my skull that having a luxury car or a Gucci belt does not make you cool or interesting. I also think seeing him write about different things on his blog over the years, and progress from one thing to the next in trying to build out a great life probably influenced me.

This was the start of what ended up being a multi-year diet transformation. While little happened overnight, changing a few items of my daily diet — either adding new healthy things, or removing habitual unhealthy things every few months means that what I eat in an average day today basically doesn’t overlap at all with the foods I would have had just a few years ago. I think the incremental approach works well for a lot of reasons: it’s literally just practical to not suddenly have to find an entirely new diet, but small changes can also be uncomfortable and minimizing that discomfort by minimizing that change helps. That being said, there is a degree to which (especially as a picky eater) you realize that human beings usually don’t eat things which are not tasty, and that it’s rare one of these incremental changes is actually a big deal, and I think that helps you take bigger steps.

A lot of these things are also self-reinforcing. Many foods both healthy and unhealthy are taken together, so when you stop eating burgers you also stop having many fries or chips, and when you start having more pasta, making the jump to a whole grain or even legume-based pasta is easier. I guess all of this is to say that once the diet started heading in a more positive direction, that process self-accelerated. When you start eating really healthy, you start noticing the way unhealthy food makes you feel, and you feel a lot more guilty eating stuff like fast food, because you know you can be happy eating healthy.

In the background of this, I was also exercising. I’ve never really been a completely sedentary person, and a huge upside of me moving to a big city was just having tons of places to walk to. There was a period one summer even before I had fixed my diet or lost much weight where I was doing 30+ kilometre walks across Toronto most evenings — Toronto is a pretty great city to walk in, both because of higher than appreciated density and a lot of old high streets that have stuck around, but also because of a lot of permeability and traffic signals that are timed to make walking quick. Suffice to say, I never really had a moment where I was sitting on a couch for days on end and realized I need to get off my butt.

At the same time, throughout the late 2010s and especially in the early 2020s I started hanging out with a new crowd — my “Cinq Personnes” if you will; these people inspired me in a lot of ways. Some of them were super-educated and unending sources of insights and knowledge, others were really passionate about fitness, and then there’s “Phil” whose drive to be incredibly virtuous has had more and more of an impact on my life over the years.

I guess you could say that in many ways what I saw in those I surrounded myself with drove me to pursue growth in various dimensions which I saw others were so advanced in. Phil in particular also wrote a bunch of pieces on life which just sort of made me aware of how broad the space of self-improvement might be, from biking around for exercise, to scheduling hangouts with friends in a calendar before winter, to appreciating the eclectic. I also think Phil among others really helped me mature in my opinions, in large part because their own opinions had an uncharacteristic level of nuance. For example, Phil is a pretty capitalistic guy, but then is also deeply invested in creating an egalitarian society. Another close friend really impacted me in telling me I didn’t need to exaggerate so much when arguing with people and that it’s not worth accepting dishonestly even when it plats in your favour — it only hurts your own credibility. A lot of these friends were also just very different from me, perhaps living in very different places, or having totally different experiences — for example, never having gotten a drivers license — things that helped me see less map and more territory.

To be fair, it’s also been more than friends. I’ve grown very skeptical of social media in the last few years in particular, but one of the positive things it has enabled is discovering people doing aspirational things. It’s a fine line of course, and influencers can quickly become a negative influence, but in particular finding small creators (Makari Espe for example) doing a unique creative thing and sharing knowledge I hadn’t come across before has been hugely positive. And it wasn’t all social media though, some of the things I’ve come across over the years (admittedly sometimes probably because they were shared on social media) have just been random blogs from people I’ve found insightful — like this one.

Reading is definitely one of those things largely inspired by those around me. If you want to have a great deal of knowledge, there is really no way around doing a great deal of reading; what can help a ton is having people point you in the direction of great works that can teach you a disproportionate amount or have particularly interesting things to say. And this is yet another example where I’ve seen crossover from the internet: A lot of good stuff I’ve read has been on various other blogs, and a lot of the good books I’ve read have been recommended in places like that. Even just being recommended interviews with Stripe founder Patrick Collison (I had a whole — Sillicon Valley Intellectual moment this year) and then hearing him talk about how much he reads, as well as seeing a funny Twitter post where he talked about what he saw as strengths of the US and Europe further encouraged me.

There’s even an extent to which reading is synergistic with other “vectors”: I read the entirety of The Power Broker for example (heavy!) while walking on the treadmill. And I think that’s the rub — these behaviours are all synergistic. People who want to improve have good habits that help them improve, and ideas for improvement, that’s Cinq Personnes for you.

Now, around when I found out I was having a kid I decided to get in great shape. I had as I mentioned already been exercising quite a bit, but a big part of why I wanted to have kids “young” (in modern terms) is so I was in good health and could try to match the energy of my kid (good idea, hard though!), because I figured I wouldn’t have much time once my kid was born, and also just survive parenting. This process was highly incremental, as with eating, and I think the experience fixing my diet was key — I had tried to get in shape before and mostly been unsuccessful; it was the gradual and highly-consistent approach that I brought over from eating that I think changed this. I remember literally deciding one day that on top of my daily 5-kilometre walk I’d also do 10 push-ups and sit-ups, and then it was augmenting my walks with runs, and then my runs with other types of exercise and weights, and the rest is sort of history. If anything, I just wish — even though I’m not even 30 yet, that I hadn’t put off getting healthy.

It was around this time that I also started winding down my YouTube career and getting primed to start these blogs. This not only meant I was freeing up time to spend with my kid, but also that I would have more time to work on myself and to try to create a great beginning for my child.

I don’t always appreciate this, but the sort of relentless 24/7/365 pace of YouTube, where you are always sort of working towards something, and the deep quantification of your success probably have had a major influence on how I’ve looked at improving myself.

One vector I picked up during this time was journaling. My form of this isn’t really the cliche “how did I feel today” type of thing (not that theres anything wrong with that), but more of a daily check in and checklist type of thing that reminds me about the little things I want to do every day. I also started trying to be a bit more thoughtful with my consumption, probably in large part because I saw Phil go to great lengths to only part with his money when he thought it was a positive not only for himself, but also for society writ large. This also wasn’t only about money, but also attention — it meant mostly dropping Twitter for Mastodon, and watching less YouTube and reading more books.

I think part of having a kid that I didn’t anticipate is the extent to which you are bombarded with scientific studies, and information about things you shouldn’t expose them to, and sometimes indirectly. For example, I never thought much about what our baby slept on (material-wise) until I started noticing how many baby products were “organic”. Obviously a lot of this is just preying on parents’ anxieties about their kids, and to some extent its also because kids really can be more sensitive to some things, but what it ended up really making me think was — why not (and why just for baby)? The world is filled with products marketed as “all-natural” or “organic” and while a lot of that is just marketing, the reality is it also comes along with a generally solid set of values (I was seeing a lot of “B-Corp”s selling this stuff), which bring with them other good things. So often the brands selling a “natural” alternative to something you might be able to get at Walmart is also more local, more sustainable, more ethical, smaller, and yeah maybe a bit more healthy — and hey, what’s wrong with the precautionary principle when we’re talking about our own health? Of course, it’s also likely the case that the people making these things share similar values and so by investing in them, you are promoting those values. So that was sort of the kicking off of a further dive into more ethical consumption, with some tinges of environmentalism, community orientation, and a more holistic view of health (one that goes beyond just your own physical health).

Of course, its probably easy to see how some of these themes parlay into anxiety. Anxiety is something I’ve talked a lot about here and which has long been a big part of my life, but there has been a real and seismic shift in the way that anxiety has gone from paralyzing me and making me feel bad, to motivating me to take action. To be sure, the action isn’t always actually going to do much about the thing that I’m anxious about; I’m not sure that for example getting in shape is going to have any impact on me getting skin cancer, but something I’ve realized over time is that so often in life it’s more about the process or procedure than the results, and hey getting in shape is clearly good for your healthy generally.

I think my anxious mind is actually really well-tuned for self-improvement, because it’s great at spotting gaps or places where I’m falling short, and I do think plugging these holes in the hull of the ship that is my life ultimately does make me less stressed out. But, some of the action here is also really just a sort of protection against nihilism. It’s a reminder that even if you can’t control everything you will do what you can. And I think for me that extends beyond my own health and environment to things like the climate.

I am aware that being stressed out and anxious is ultimately not good itself for my health, and since so many of the reasonable things to be worried about and ultimately which I have dealt with are now in the past, there isn’t much of a utility argument for substandard mental health. So as of late, I’ve been doing a lot more work on this: from therapy, to meditation, and even just trying to be aware of how daily things like a poor sleep or going on a walk affect my mood. In some ways this is the greatest challenge I have yet to overcome.

But, that doesn’t mean it’s all I’m thinking about. A lot of the self-improvement is not a one of change, but a change in daily habit. I exercise and eat differently, and need to every day. I try to conduct myself differently than I would have a year or five years ago. I’m also working on other things, and setting out a path into the future.

---

Reflecting on my trajectory, I think changing my diet and starting to exercise in a coherent way were sort of fundamental to the entire arc of self improvement, because they were both hard and things I had tried before. This reminded me of what I am capable of when I actually am determined to tackle something, even when that’s a hard process and the goals are lofty.

Meanwhile, I think friends and my great community gave me direction. Writing about and sharing my experiences encouraged other people to share with me, and send me things and that expanded the field of what I knew to be possible further.

A central element that’s come to light more recently is how much discovering how to get better is just about not dismissing whats already there. Obviously, diet and fitness can only be dismissed so much, but a lot of things are and can be very easily thrown to the wayside. I personally have remembered thinking of “all-natural products” as being a bit silly, or not really getting when people talked about building community, or thinking meditation was silly. Sometimes I think this dismissal is the gut reaction to a deep-seated frustration from not understanding something, and sometimes it’s just a lack of openness. But, I think when you’re looking for direction, and improvement, you open your mind to a lot, and realize that many things do happen for a reason, and so people rarely harp on a point again and again for nothing.

And I think that leads me to my direction going forward. Which I wrote about recently, but which I’ve already deepened.

Obviously much of my aspirations for the future revolve around just maintaining what I’ve already achieved and extending that. So caring about exercise transitions into caring about the environment and the places where I exercise, caring about my health becomes thinking about my mental health, and trying to grow great friendships becomes fostering a community. I also do think you can never go back enough for insights from people you respect: it’s amazing how rereading something or spending more time with a person can reveal things you never noticed or acknowledged before.

I think extending from this feeling that so many of the people who surround me have enabled me to improve my life, I’ve been thinking a lot about enabling other people, be it through lending a helping hand, an ear, or supporting a YouTube channel. That being said, I’m also redoubling my efforts to spend less time online, and more time being present in the real world —reading, spending time with friends, or family. I’m also thinking a lot about supporting causes, whether that be through donating (and thinking about how that can have the biggest potential impact). There’s a nice full circle feeling that comes from supporting something financially, and then seeing how that thing impacts or enriches your own life and those of your fellow community members.

I’ve also been thinking about local travel and gratitude for my country and home. Earlier in my life, I spent a lot of time thinking about and travelling to distant lands, but lately I’ve felt a sort of contentment, and come to a realization that there is so much of Canada that I still haven’t really experienced, and it feels a bit odd to go back to Europe or Asia while I feel that way. Plus, like so many things, there is a sort of synergy for environmentalism, supporting local business, financial sensibility and doing things I can do with friends.

And friends are a huge part of my future. Building up a community of people around you who can get out your better angels is huge, and it really is something which has given my life joy and meaning. Everyone needs a Phil, but also a Clara too. It’s from your friends and communities which you gain so much, insights, support, and life, but these people are also the natural recipients of what you have to give.

And then there’s just a range of things which for me remain a work in progress. I know that I ought to become handier, I ought to stop buying furniture shipped in from China or Sweden and make it better myself, like my grandfather and his father before him (a sort of respect for the past, and the old ways is something I’ve definitely gained). But, it also runs the gamut, further exploring spirituality (alarm bells ring) also seems like a sensible direction.

---

I hope reading this post gave you some insights on me and how I look at my own trajectory. But, I hope it can also serve as inspiration and make you think again about the experiences you’ve had, and those you’re yet to have.